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After returning to work, I understand why it’s so important to create work life balance for moms. I am working while raising children is a whole new job that no one understands until you have children. Whether you have kids naturally, through adoption, or surrogacy, the struggle is real.
Maternity leave should be “maternity work.” I’m working harder than any corporate job I’ve ever had and ever will. After childbirth, women can honestly do anything they want to because the work starts once you push the baby out. Even going through labor is something else and another topic for another day.
This post is about work life balance for moms.
Working on Maternity Leave
I do find it interesting that when I mention I’m on maternity leave, the first thing that everyone says is, “Are you going back to work?” Like HELLO, I’m at work, what the hell are you talking about? Do you know how stressful it is to be still recovering from childbirth?
Which can take up to a year to fully recover and one of the reasons why it’s recommended to space pregnancies out by at least 18-months. Running a household of a home you just bought five months ago, being a wife, now a mother, and still feeding your 18-month-old corgi.
I see why the work from home (stay at home) moms snap, crackle, and pop on y’all asses! Keep in mind a lot of women who are SAH moms are not doing it by choice. Plus, most people don’t really want to help you with your baby/child after a certain age. So you are stuck, making the ultimate sacrifice for your family and staying home. Which requires you to recharge a non-existing battery to give Noah what he needs. If you are looking for additional tips, click here to read this post.
How Six Months of Maternity Blessed Me
I’m blessed to be able to have six months of maternity leave. In the US is a long time to have with my baby. Trust, I, too, made a lot of sacrifices along with the huzzband to be able to make this possible. Personally, I love working from home and being able to provide this crucial role in my family. But I also know that bills got to be paid, so we have to hassle to make this thang possible and once leave is up I’ll have to make the transition like many women do every day.
And another thing that I wanted to bring up – women who work outside the home are also doing it for necessity, so don’t judge us too hard either. I didn’t quite understand the struggle until I saw my husband do just a few days after I gave birth, and he had to leave to go back to work.
Think about all the time he is away from us and little mini-milestones or just randomness that he misses. The guilt is real for both ends when it comes to that. If you are reading this and feel some type of way then good. I have gotten you to see that balancing life for the family is hard shit. Over the past few months, I’ve had some time to think about what are some of the best ways to deal with guilt from the working parent. I wanted to share them so that you can use them in your life when your baby is fresh out.
Not having other Options
Many Americans don’t have the option to just sit at home, collect money, and everything be alright. If you think about it, a lot of older millennials are drowning in student loan debt from going to college in the late 2000s. We already know about working hard and being rich broke.
Now add baby expenses on top, and you can see why many of us are waiting until damn near 40+ to have kids if we want to have them at all. The average baby cost about ~$300K from 0 to18.
Many people don’t make that in their lifetime. So how the hell are they going to really afford a baby? Along with all the other expenses it takes to raise a child. We do it, but there is the cost of something else.
We are working two-three-four jobs just to rob Peter to pay Paul and still have to find time to raise happy, well-adjusted kids. But once the baby is here, there is nothing you can do about it, so you have to just make it happen, make it work because you don’t have an option.
Work Life Balance for Moms Habits
I mentioned before that it takes time to really become a confident parent, and I meant every word of that. You don’t just develop “motherly or fatherly” habits. It takes a bit of time because you have to learn about your baby, fit the baby into your real life, and all that takes time.
I know for me; I still don’t feel like I know what the hell I’m doing, but that means I’m doing a great job. I’m learning every day not to be so hard on myself. Noah loves me, Cooper, and my husband unconditionally, and that’s how it should be.
When I see Noah smile, I know I’m doing at least one thing right. It can be hard because everyone always has something to say about something that you are or aren’t doing. But I TRY not to take it so personally that I don’t enjoy time with my son or family. It takes a while to get to a place where you enjoy your baby; the first 6 weeks are challenging… I said it!
You will Make the Necessary Adjustments
I have discovered that with being a parent by default, you always adjust whether you want to or not. I know for; eventually, I’ll have to find a job that is closer to my baby. Between getting him ready for daycare, getting to work, and leaving work to pick him up from daycare, I won’t even be able to see my child, which ain’t happening.
I never thought I would become this person, but after having a baby, you know it’s the best and right thing to do, so I know it has to happen. We’ll make the adjustments to make sure it’s seamless for the baby. I’m making other lifestyle changes to be successful.
When you are a career-orientated person, this switch can be tough. But over time you will see that it becomes possible. Even for me, it took a lot of practice, patience, and forgiveness. When you give birth, you are not only giving birth to a child but you, momma or papa, are giving birth to the new versions of yourself.
That adjustment can take a lifetime to really get into. At times I’m still in shock that I’m someone’s mamma. Lawd knows there was a time that I didn’t think I would even have a man so to have a baby is a big deal LOL.
You vs Your Parents Method
I have found that the way I’m raising my son is not the same way my parents raised me. When you think about it’s not supposed to be. The world that I grew up in doesn’t exist anymore. I can’t apply everything my parents did for my sister and me to my baby because it won’t work. I grew up in Washington, DC.
At the time was “Chocolate City”. If you go there now, you would say girl ain’t nothing chocolate about DC. You would be right because, in 2020, it’s not that anymore.
Trust me, at first, your parents will give you some pushback on some of the things that you do with your baby. At the end of the day, since everything is done out of love, they will adapt. That’s hard even for me to think about, but here we are!
Valuable Lessons
At the end of the day, you will reap the rewards of being a great parent. The balance is definitely something that takes some time to adjust. However, whether you are in the home working or outside of the home working, the parenthood sacrifice is still something that all parents share.
I know that I’m not the same person I was before January 2020. My goal is to make it easier to develop work-life balance for moms. Whatever I decide to do after maternity leave is my business. Know that my baby, puppy, and huzzband won’t have to worry, and all will be well. If you need more tips, you can sign up for my weekly newsletter dedicated to helping new moms get the life they want and deserve.
This post was about work life balance for moms.
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